This post was inspired by this unintentionally hilarious article. Go read it, please.
In case of tl;dr, the woman writer complains that women need to start asking men out on dates because men are too weak/stupid/unmacho/ungentlemanly to ask women out on dates anymore.
That’s right; according to authoress Lauren Martin, women deserve to be taken out on dates—proper, old fashioned, man pays-and-buys-flowers-and-holds-doors dates—and the only thing stopping this wonderful thing is the failures of men.
Now, at first, I was going to just link to the article and laugh.
Then I thought, nahhh, I should respond point-by-point, giving the shiv of truth to each and every one of Lauren Martin’s lies.
Then I thought, nahhh, too much work for soon-to-be-forgotten Feminazi whack-a-mole articles like this. Instead, why not give the girls some chick crack—e.g. a Cosmo-style quiz—while at the same time having each question mercilessly fisk and fuck their delicious little egos into fillet, sending them running to their wine cabinet and therapists and Girls reruns and gay bffs and feminazi studies classes for at least 5-10 years of rehab.
So ladies, please see the quiz below. Answer all the questions and answer each question truthfully. At the end, we can tally up your score and find out if you are truly worthy of a man taking you out on old fashioned, fun, dressed-up, he pays, he holds the door, dinner-and-a-movie, flowers-candy-card, classy dancing, sweet-peck-on-the-lips-on-your-front-stoop-but-nothing-more-expected date.
Ladies, Are You Date-Worthy?
- Are you a virgin?
- Have you had 3 or fewer sexual partners?
- Have you ever had a one-night stand/fuck buddy/”it’s complicated” relationship that included physical sexual gratification for either of you?
- How many men have you kissed?
- How many men have you made out with?
- How many men have you given blow jobs to? How many of those have you swallowed? Allowed to cum on your face or body?
- How many men have you given hand jobs to?
- How many human penises have you deliberately touched?
- Have you ever had sex with a black guy? If so, how many?
- Are you lying about your answer to question #9?
- How many black guys have you kissed?
- How many black guys have you given a blow job to?
- How many black guys’ penises have you touched?
- Have you ever felt attracted to a black guy? Please explain.
- Have you ever said out loud that a black guy was attractive, “sexy”, or in any way sexually worthy? How many times and to whom?
- Do you listen to rap/hip-hop/whatever marketing word they’re calling it this week? Have you ever been to a rap/hip-hop/etc. concert?
- Have you ever had an abortion?
- Do you believe abortion should be legal? Paid for by the government? Celebrated as a right?
- Are you a feminist? If not, how much of feminism do you agree with?
- How often do you masturbate? Do you have a dildo?
- Do you vote Democrat, or anything that Fox News would call left-wing?
- Are you proud America elected Obama?
- Do you think we need more blacks and/or women and/or other minorities in political power?
- Do you believe that blacks are held down because of unfair racism against them, and that they are just as smart and good and kind as anyone else, or more so?
- Who do you think was right: Trayvon Martin or George Zimmerman?
- Who do you think was right: Michael Brown or the cops of Ferguson, MO?
- Do you think nationalized healthcare is good for America?
- Are you in favor of affirmative action?
- Are you in favor of gay marriage?
- Do you believe gays and transgender people are just born that way?
- Do you believe gays and transgender people are normal?
- Do you want to get married and have children?
- Did you major in a humanity? If so, did the title end in “studies” or “theory”?
- Do you have a graduate degree?
- Are you overweight according to the BMI scale?
- Have you ever kissed, fondled, or had sex with another woman?
- Have you ever been involved in a sexual encounter involving more than two people? Kissing, making out, and light petting count here.
- Do your friends consider you sexually adventurous?
- Have you ever taken a naked selfie, or one where you are dressed provocatively? Have you ever sent it to a straight male or posted it where a straight male could see it?
- Are you on Twitter?
- Do you think a man should be king of his castle?
- Do you think a woman should obey her man?
- How often do you get drunk? (note: “tipsy”=drunk for the purposes of this quiz).
- How often do you use recreational drugs/illegal substances? When was the last time?
- How often do you date or have sex outside your race? Races for this quiz: White, East Asian, South Asian, Arab/Persian, Native American/Red. If you are considered “mestizo”, you may claim both races. Jews can group themselves by skin color here.
- How often do you date or have sex outside your ethnicity? Your ethnicity is the country of origin of your parents’ ancestors. Don’t be obtuse; if you’re a mutt but mostly Northern European, use most of those countries, but if you’re 100% Irish or Chinese, use that one nationality alone. Jews count as a separate ethnicity here.
- Do you go to the same house of worship for services at least 2x a month?
- Does that house of worship have only male clergy? What percentage of the administrators are female?
- Do you believe in your religion’s teachings? Do you believe in God (or gods)?
- Does your religion/church support homosexuality, abortion, affirmative action, government-provided healthcare, or any other planks of the Democratic party?
- Do you have a gay bff? Is he promiscuous?
- Do you believe a woman should have a career when she is 22?
- What is the proper age for a woman to start having children?
- At what age do you want to have children?
- Would you or have you ever gone backstage or on the tour bus or into a VIP lounge with a male celebrity?
- Same question as #55, but with the condition that you have been on or have gone on at least one date with a guy that went well and you two are texting?
- For older girls: were you Team Aniston or Team Jolie?
- Have you ever cheated on a man you were dating? Kissing, making out, holding hands, touching each other’s bodies, foreplay, sex are all cheating.
- Have you ever competed with a man for a job or promotion?
- Is it ok for a woman to cheat if she’s lonely, depressed, or she’s fallen out of love with her man?
- Did you ever beat a man in competing for a job or promotion?
- Did you ever want to beat a man in competing for a job or promotion?
- Can you cook a complete meal? Do you do so at least 3 times per week?
- Can you clean? Is your home/apartment/room clean?
- When not dressed for work, do you dress feminine?
- When not dressed for work, do you wear dresses? How often?
- Do you watch reality TV? Talk shows? TV dramas? TV scripted comedies? Which ones? How many hours per day?
- Do you watch pornography?
- Do you have tattoos? How many? How large? Are they visible when wearing any of your own skimpy summer outfits?
- Do you believe organizations and companies should be allowed to be all male and exclude blacks?
- Have you ever flashed anyone?
- Do you swear? How often?
- Do you ever say or think that you get along better with men rather than women?
- Is there a box of condoms in your room?
- Do you believe a woman should look pretty for her man?
- If you are overweight, are you ruthlessly trying to get underweight?
- Have you ever participated in or cheered on a Slut Walk?
- Do you believe women have a responsibility to dress appropriately?
- Do you believe single mothers are good mothers?
- Do you believe in divorce?
- Have you ever been divorced?
- Do you agree to raise any children in the religion, town, and way your husband decides?
- Do you believe sex is about intimacy, or is more physical?
- Do you believe a woman in a serious relationship/marriage has a duty to sexually please her man even if she isn’t in the mood?
- If you get into an argument with a man, would you ever throw a drink at him or hit him in anger? Note that “playful hitting”=hitting. If so, and he punched you or slapped you hard, would you consider that fair?
- Do you know that regret is not rape?
- Do you watch “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” “The Daily Show”, “The Colbert Report,” any kind of talk show, “The Today Show”, anything on MSNBC, or anything on Bravo or E!?
- Do you listen to top 40 radio? What about NPR?
- Have you ever embarrassed a man who was trying to flirt with you? Ask you out on a date? Get your phone number?
- Have you ever liked a man, only to have your gfs/gay bffs dissuade you from dating him?
As you can see ladies, the questions really answer themselves, don’t they? That is to say that, immediately upon reading each question, you knew–almost instinctively–what answers would be correct and render you still date-worthy, and what answers would be wrong and render you not worth it for a man to take out on a date. You knew it in your gut, though you hated the fact that you knew it, and that you knew it so well.
And, for some of you, what hurts even more is that even for so-called left-wing men, the “correct” answers and the “wrong” answers remain the same. That is to say that, even though certain men that you would date would express the views that my questions are stupid/don’t matter, you know instinctively that such men still would greatly prefer the “correct” answers.
Some of the questions are super-damning for wrong answers, while others aren’t so much deal breakers. I mixed and matched according to my whims and what struck me at the moment. Like a good psych quiz, I asked the same questions different ways, and followed easy questions with hard ones, just to keep you off balance. I’m awesome like that.
But I don’t need to really tell you if a certain wrong answer is super-damning or merely hurtful to your date-worthy chances; if you aren’t sure, ask a few gfs, or even your token gay bff. The more offended they are by a certain question, the more you can be certain that that question is a super-damning, automatic-disqualifier if you give the wrong answer.
By the way, this list is by no means exhaustive; I barely grazed the anti-male area of family law, for example. But it is comprehensive enough to give 90% of women out there a very, very good idea of what men want out of women, and, equally as important, what they, in the strongest terms, do not want.
What Date-Worthy Really Means
What Date-Worthy really means, ladies, is whether you are worthy of a long-term, locked-down relationship/marriage. You know that and we know that; that’s why, when you really like a fuck buddy, you’ll start whining or setting up circumstances—such as meeting for drinks around dinner time before you’re going to fuck—that will encourage him to lay down some change, hold a door, and otherwise be a boyfriend-on-a-date.
You know that if a man invests his money, time, and charm in public on you, it starts to lock him down into relationship status. Men who put time, money, and effort into courtship behavior are setting themselves up for relationships, whether they know it or not. It is instinctual and natural; when we invest effort into something, we expect it to mean something.
Once upon a time, most middle class women in America gave the “correct” answers to all the questions on this quiz. This is why men then took women on formalized dates; such women, because they gave the correct answers, were deemed date-worthy, and dates were designed to further test the waters for lifelong commitment, i.e. marriage. Other women—the sluts of their times—were not taken on dates; they ended up as bar floozies, prostitutes, yoked to underclass or unrespected men, or else lonely and alone in their lives. Johnny the Good Boy didn’t marry Suzy the Floozy, he married Mary the Good Girl.
And here’s a very important part you ladies need to hear: Johnny married Mary because it was a good deal for Johnny. Johnny got a loving, virginal wife who never compared his faults or shortcomings to past lovers; obeyed his word; respected him; cooked and cleaned for him; stayed feminine for him; gave him regular, faithful sex; and all-in-all remained a loyal wife.
These are what the “correct” answers mean to men: she is worthy of a man’s time and investment because she will reward the man with what he wants. And this is why your “wrong” answers today hurt you so much inside: you instinctively know that your actions have devalued you so that investing time, money, and effort on you isn’t worth it to a man today, unlike, say, your grandmother. Ladies, you are much less worthy of love—less “date-worthy”—than your own grandmother. Unlike your grandmother, you ladies aren’t a good deal for a man today.
Another way to put this for women is to stop thinking “what do I want out of a man” and start thinking “what does a man want in a woman.” Men—especially men in the PUA community—spend an inordinate amount of time wondering what he has to offer to a woman to get what he wants. Women would do well to wonder what they have to offer to a man to get what women want—dates, intimacy, long-term commitment, etc. And it ain’t just sex, ladies; no man every went to war, worked for 40 years at a worthless job, or built a mansion for a prostitute or the easy chick down the block.
What Happens When You’re Not Date-Worthy
There are some things you can do to mitigate the damage your “wrong” answers indicate. However, that is left to another post and time. I will say this much: many times the Rubicon cannot be uncrossed; the bell unrung; the die uncast. But despite this, you can at least mitigate such damage—and not in the ways you’re probably thinking.