Archive for February, 2011

How to find a Whore, Part 3: Equip yourself with Anonymous Equipment

February 26, 2011

Ok, so you know what kind of city you’re in and you’re sure you want a hooker. So now we start looking for one, right?

Hold on there, kiddo. First you’re gonna need two things: a prepaid cell phone and a dummy email account.

Now, some of you may be thinking that this may be unnecessary for you, since you already have a cell phone and an email account. But you’re wrong.

Thankfully, the modern digital world has eliminated many of the problems prostitution suffered in the past. You can easily find it online (more on that later); you can contact anonymously; and you can avoid rip-offs and pimps and white slavery. But to do so safely, you also need anonymous equipment.

You see, given the illegal nature of prostitution, you don’t want something that can be traced back to you by normal means. Now, despite what you see on TV, law enforcement won’t go to extreme CSI-esque means to track down guys who use prostitutes (aka “johns”). But if finding you is as easy as googling your email address or cell phone number, they will, especially if its the end of the month and they need to meet their quota of arrests/fines.

What’s more, you don’t want someone–a wife, a girlfriend–accidentally stumbling onto evidence. Women will go through your shit when you’re not around, make no mistake about it, and you WILL forget to delete a whore’s number, or accidentally give your girl your password. Or a whore might send out a spam text or email when she’s in town/offering specials and it pops up when you’re in the bathroom and your phone is lying on the counter. You want your bitch of a wife to have the perfect grounds to rape you in Divorce Court, aka Feminist Utopia?

Even if you never plan on dating or getting married, having a connection to a whore that is easily traceable is very, very bad if you have employers who check up on you, or potentially might. You need this privacy.

So you need both a prepaid cell phone and a dummy/”whoring” email account.

Email Account

The dummy email account is easy. Get an account from a yahoo or hotmail or another; you can do gmail as well, but their privacy issues make me nervous. Don’t use something too obscure, since, when you email girls, you don’t want something that raises red flags and makes them wonder if its just a cop or crazy person emailing them.

Choose a name that isn’t outlandish. No “SexMachine4eva” or “whorefucker” or anything like that. Go so far as to avoid any email name with your initials in it or anything identifying—aka “66MaidenLanelover” or “tallguywithredhair76” Once again, you don’t want to alarm or creep out a hooker—they can be very skittish. In addition, having a nondescript email name makes it less likely that, in the rare instance a cop or violent stalker or pimp gets into a hooker’s email account—and they might, if they bribe the hooker—they could target you as an arrest/beating victim/scam material merely because you stick out.

You can pick a random name one of two ways: 1) Just choose a bunch of letters and numbers that are essentially a jumble, but that you can memorize easily. This one is harder. or 2) Go to a major news site and look at the headlines, and choose a word in one of the headlines for that day (and perhaps add the date to the word). In this way, you have an more memorable email name that bears no relation to you.

When it comes to filling out the personal information email accounts require nowadays, DO NOT PUT ANYTHING DOWN IF POSSIBLE. If the email account is being bitchy, give it a jumble of letters/numbers for your name and address and phone number, not your real one. Choose a zip code of a nearby large city.

As for the password, we all use the same passwords for everything. However, for your password for this account, use something that isn’t your usual one. This is actually a good time to use the dirty phrase you wanted for your email account name—“sexfiend” or “whoremaster” or “hornyschoolboy.” They key is to make sure it isn’t even the same password as any of your email or bank accounts, so if your girl guesses your regular one, she can’t guess this one.

And never have the email account “remember” your password or use a program that remembers it.

Prepaid Cellphone

The prepaid cell phone is the more harder of the two to get a hold of, but it is more key. Hookers don’t want to meet up with new johns if they haven’t heard your voice and are convinced you’re not a cop/crazy/black (yes, the last is true). And some hookers only work by text nowadays, never by email, for their own wacky reasons.

To get a prepaid cellphone, first research a good prepaid cellphone. Only do prepaid cellphones because contract phones are easily traceable to you, through the cellphone company’s contract and your credit card. Prepaid phones do not have that problem. Buy one for under $50 (more on that below). Look for one with low monthly top up/balances. The cheaper, the better, so long as the service is good.

Second, only buy the cellphone in person. Many convenience stores nowadays sell cellphones, as do any electronics store. Buying it online means a credit card and a mailing address. Don’t be stupid.

Third, identify a store far away from you, where no one knows you, where you can buy it. You don’t want people you know recognizing you and seeing a prepaid cellphone—people will wonder. I live in NYC, so that isn’t hard–I just take a 20 minute bus ride or subway ride, and I’m instantly a new face. If you live in the sticks, it will take a lot more work—driving maybe an hour or more out of your way to get one. I prefer the anonymity of cities for such a purchase, since many drug dealers buy them in the cities.

Fourth, pay IN CASH. This is why you must keep it under $50. I bought one once for $20 and pulling out the money didn’t cause anyone to bat an eye. However, I also was stupid and bought one once for $80 and pulled out the cash and people (the cashier, the customers in line) took notice. We live in a cashless society, where credit cards (and checks, to a lesser extent) rule. Remember, you’re not trying to draw attention here. Cash is untraceable (thus far) but if they remember your face its all for naught. DO NOT PAY IN CREDIT CARD or CHECK OR DEBIT CARD. P.S. Make sure you know the taxes in your area, so they don’t go over your cash allowance. Bring $40 more than you need for the phone so that you can handle any taxes. P.P.S. Don’t bother trying to “cover” your purchase buy making a couple other purchases on top of the cellphone, effectively trying to hide that that is the real purchase. Buy a coke if you want, but no one is ever fooled by this gambit.

Fifth, make sure you discard all packaging when you open it. Don’t want your wife or gf finding it and wondering.

Now, most prepaid phones require an activation and a “top-up.” You can activate with your dummy email address (see above) and a fake name. Once you get the number, write it down and tape to the back of the cellphone, and store it in your dummy email account as well (email it to yourself). Store any passwords there as well. AND ONLY THERE, IN THE DUMMY EMAIL. Make sure the cellphone works and gets reception.

For topping up, most prepaids give you the option to tie a credit card/debit card to the account. DO NOT DO SO, EVER. You will be tempted, especially when things get hectic, to top-up via credit card online, but NEVER DO SO. This will, again, tie the cell phone to you and your home/work. All your hard work is for naught. I actually accidentally almost did this once—I was exhausted, but really no excuse—and I realized that if I did so, i would have to toss the phone and start all over. I stopped myself and went out a got a card.

Instead, find out what the schedule for topping up is. With mine, its every 3 months, and about $20. Most convenience and electronics and big box stores that sell the phones sell the top up “cards” as well. Again, like buying the phone, find a store far away where no one knows you, walk in, and buy the card with cash. IMMEDIATELY TOP UP once you leave the store, and then DESTROY THE CARD. Again, any card is evidence.of your philandering ways, or, to a cop, a sign you may be doing something illegal.

Hiding and storing the phone: first, whenever not in use, ALWAYS REMOVE THE BATTERY. A phone can be turned on remotely—by cops looking for an easy sting, for example—and most, if not all phones, give location away. Removing the battery makes this impossible.

Whenever you’re putting it away, delete all the texts and recent calls. Yes, you will store girls’ numbers int he phone, but at least there won’t be any recent activity to nail you on—you can pretend you stopped long ago, or else just called the girls a long time ago for the thrill of talking to them, or some bullshit.

As for where to put it, since you have a four pieces of electronic equipment (the cellphone, the battery, the back of the cellphone, and the charger), it depends. Married guys should put it either at work, securely, or in the garage/electronic boxes where the wife never goes. Don’t keep it in the car or by the bed—that’s just plain stupid and WILL be found and your ass WILL be divorced and raped. For single guys who live alone, places a snooping girl won’t look. I have a sock drawer separate from my underwear drawer, and girls don’t go through it—-they go through my underwear much more. Even so, I’m honest with them that I’ve used hookers, so it would be less of a big deal if they found it. BUT BE CAREFUL ANYWAY!

Now, we’ll move on to Part 4, how to safely find a girl, the most important part.

How to find a Whore, Part 2: Are you in a baseball city?

February 6, 2011

So you want a whore. Next question: are you in a baseball city?

hold up, I’m not asking you whether your city likes baseball (otherwise, Miami, with its anemic attendance, would not count) nor am I asking if your little podunk town has a minor league club or produces 3/4 of all college all-stars or is the birthplace of Tom Emanski.

What I mean by this question is: does your city have a major league baseball (MLB) franchise, or could it support one?

I pose this question because it will characterize your search for a hooker. Basically, I’m asking if you live in a large, major city.

I’m not asking about NFL or NBA or NHL franchises, because those aren’t good qualifiers.

The NFL is a country game—people flock to NFL locations for one day, making it more like a concert event in the desert than a sporting event. Hence why NFL teams often play in places that aren’t major cities, e.g. Green Bay, Foxboro, and Jacksonville. What’s more, places like LA don’t have a team, but LA is certainly the best overall selection for hookers in the country (more on that later).

The NBA and NHL are, for all intents and purposes, minor league sports. They seat only half the number of fans for a game as MLB (20,000 v. 40,000), play half as many games as MLB (82 v. 162), and do less than half of MLB’s ratings and merchandising. Let’s face it: Oklahoma City, Memphis, and Charlotte (NBA) and Columbus, Ottawa, and Buffalo (NHL) are small potatoes; no one ever says anymore, “I’m going big time!” and means Oklahoma City.

Of course certain towns are on the edges. Montreal, which had the Expos for years but no longer has them, is a city I would include, while dying Kansas City, which has the Royals, might not fit (I’ve never gotten escorts there).

Now, why do I ask this question? Simple: those towns that have MLB franchises are large enough to have a well-developed hooker system so that legitimate online rating systems and advertisements allow you selection. This is critical to hooker selection. Online review sites are the key to hooker happiness (for you, at least).

Why MLB?

Cities large enough to have an MLB franchise have large populations. Larger populations= more girls hooking. More girls hooking means that more men are banging them. More men banging them means men will want to generate a way to find the multitudes of girls in a city quickly down for escorting. What is more, large cities offer anonymity that encourages both escort use and the ability to find them outside word-of-mouth. Quite frankly, if there is but one hooker house in your town—because there aren’t that many men to service—everyone will know everyone else and want to keep things under wraps, so little advertisement.

Now, the description isn’t perfect, as I’ve mentioned. For example, Las Vegas, Montreal and New Orleans are prime time hooking areas, where you can find excellent treats, but no baseball teams. Even rinky-dink Atlantic City has some good times available. But these four have one thing in common: major casinos. That will be dealt with later as well.

Perhaps a better test of a city is the Foreign Guy test, or perhaps the Weather Report Test. Basically, under the Foreign Guy test: would a middle class person from abroad recognize your city’s name as an American city the moment they heard the name? Would an image instantly form in their mind of your city? The Weather Report Test: if there were a major storm (e.g. Katrina) in your area, would the Weather Reports thousands of miles away center around the damage to your city (e.g. New Orleans)?

But I think MLB test works best, because it focuses on the economy and size of a city. I don’t think a baseball team could actually survive in Las Vegas or New Orleans (that’s a different theory for another day), but they’re still baseball cities for the purposes of this test.

But I don’t live in an MLB city!
If you do not live in an MLB city, you’re not SOL. Many guys live near MLB cities (where near=1hr’s travel distance). If you do, I would strong suggest traveling there for your hooking pleasure, using incall girls (a term I’ll define in later posts).

If you do not live within an hour of an MLB city, you might live near medium-large cities (100,000+ in populations) that simply haven’t achieved dominance (e.g. NBA/NHL cities, or places like Albany, NY or Providence, RI). Medium-large cities might have some traveling girls or else some good local girls you can find through craigslist methods (another term to be defined later).

If you’re way out in the country or in small-town America, you very well might be SOL. Everyone is likely to know you, and if you don’t know the local hooking scene, its probably because you’re not in the inner sanctum of your local area where the power is. Trust me when I say that every small area has a brothel or group of hookers that the Mayor/richest guy around/ local magistrates know and probably frequent. I prescribe travel/moving, but much later I will offer some advice about craigslist methods that may help you if you like where you are.

Ok, now you’ve figured out if your city is a baseball city or not. However, even if you’re not in a baseball city, my next few posts will still help you. On to step 3—–equipment.

How to find a Whore, Part 1: do you want one?

February 1, 2011

As this blog has few posts, I realize I have not yet explained how to find a literal whore—a prostitute, an escort–in real life. So here is a handy step by step guide to finding a women who is more honest than 90% of the women out there.

But first, let’s do some background.

Nailing a whore isn’t that big of a deal. In fact, you’d be surprised at how less-than-momentous it seems when it happens. Oh, its all nerve racking and exciting pre-hookup, but once you start doing the nasty, it’s basically an artificial, fun, but ultimately mechanical experience.

But oh, the nerves before hand. It’s the anticipation that really makes the meat taste good.

Most of you are drawn to finding a whore for a combination of reasons: delight in just picking a girl’s specifications, the thrill of the illegal, the curiosity, the desire to fuck over a girlfriend/wife, loneliness, despair, horny rage….the list goes on.

Now, pre-whoring days, I’d never done anything illegal. I never even drank while underage, or smoked a cigarette before 18. I smoked pot twice in my life (never got me high) and never used anything harder. I never broke into buildings or caused havoc. And many men out there interested in escorts are similar to how I was—very law abiding, non-threatening guys who just want to get laid. The down side of this is that you’re woefully unprepared to find a girl, or the consequences.

Now, as I said before, the mechanical act of sex is quite average and non-life-changing (except with an exquisite whore, to be detailed later). But, depending on how you live your life, it could create a double life.

While casual drug use and underage sex and drinking are not taken seriously at by most people in society, prostitution is. You can’t be at a party, casually chatting with some risque conversation, and drop a line like, “That sounds like a hooker I banged once.” You could be standing in a group of former high school and college drug dealers—people who’ve engaged in threesomes since age 15 and have had 3 abortions—and they’ll look at you in horror.

Using hookers means you must shield this part of your life from most others.

Now, for me, this has, in fact, helped me to find women. If I’m getting close to a woman, I’ll drop the hooker lines, and if she rebuffs, she’s out. I’m not going to deal with that kind of puritanical headache in my life for long.

But, really, you’ll have to keep it quiet. And, if you’re like me, once you’ve had a taste–sex with a willing, kinky, attractive woman– you’ll get “hooked,” as it were. No more scrounging for scraps at a bar when you’re in heat. No more listen to a bitch’s plaintive moans about her cat so you can get busy on a Sunday night. No more angrily punching the clown when you’re just in town for the night.

But going to hookers requires you to choose whether you want something in your life that is secretive, personal, and could ultimately upset your career/marriage if found out (my later tips will keep the chances of the latter disasters very small).

Most of you are here because you want a hooker, and, if it’s easy enough, you’ll get one. You’re curious at the amount of time and effort and money you’ll have to put in in finding a good one without being caught. So most of you have already decided the answer yes.

Move on, young padwan, to Part 2.