Archive for the ‘Game’ Category

Are You Date-Worthy? A Quiz for Women

September 11, 2014

This post was inspired by this unintentionally hilarious article. Go read it, please.

In case of tl;dr, the woman writer complains that women need to start asking men out on dates because men are too weak/stupid/unmacho/ungentlemanly to ask women out on dates anymore.

That’s right; according to authoress Lauren Martin, women deserve to be taken out on dates—proper, old fashioned, man pays-and-buys-flowers-and-holds-doors dates—and the only thing stopping this wonderful thing is the failures of men.


Now, at first, I was going to just link to the article and laugh.

Then I thought, nahhh, I should respond point-by-point, giving the shiv of truth to each and every one of Lauren Martin’s lies.

Then I thought, nahhh, too much work for soon-to-be-forgotten Feminazi whack-a-mole articles like this. Instead, why not give the girls some chick crack—e.g. a Cosmo-style quiz—while at the same time having each question mercilessly fisk and fuck their delicious little egos into fillet, sending them running to their wine cabinet and therapists and Girls reruns and gay bffs and feminazi studies classes for at least 5-10 years of rehab.

Excellent plan.

So ladies, please see the quiz below. Answer all the questions and answer each question truthfully.  At the end, we can tally up your score and find out if you are truly worthy of a man taking you out on old fashioned, fun, dressed-up, he pays, he holds the door, dinner-and-a-movie, flowers-candy-card, classy dancing, sweet-peck-on-the-lips-on-your-front-stoop-but-nothing-more-expected date.

Ladies, Are You Date-Worthy?

  1. Are you a virgin?
  2. Have you had 3 or fewer sexual partners?
  3. Have you ever had a one-night stand/fuck buddy/”it’s complicated” relationship that included physical sexual gratification for either of you?
  4. How many men have you kissed?
  5. How many men have you made out with?
  6. How many men have you given blow jobs to? How many of those have you swallowed? Allowed to cum on your face or body?
  7. How many men have you given hand jobs to?
  8. How many human penises have you deliberately touched?
  9. Have you ever had sex with a black guy? If so, how many?
  10. Are you lying about your answer to question #9?
  11. How many black guys have you kissed?
  12. How many black guys have you given a blow job to?
  13. How many black guys’ penises have you touched?
  14. Have you ever felt attracted to a black guy? Please explain.
  15. Have you ever said out loud that a black guy was attractive, “sexy”, or in any way sexually worthy? How many times and to whom?
  16. Do you listen to rap/hip-hop/whatever marketing word they’re calling it this week? Have you ever been to a rap/hip-hop/etc. concert?
  17. Have you ever had an abortion?
  18. Do you believe abortion should be legal? Paid for by the government? Celebrated as a right?
  19. Are you a feminist? If not, how much of feminism do you agree with?
  20. How often do you masturbate? Do you have a dildo?
  21. Do you vote Democrat, or anything that Fox News would call left-wing?
  22. Are you proud America elected Obama?
  23. Do you think we need more blacks and/or women and/or other minorities in political power?
  24. Do you believe that blacks are held down because of unfair racism against them, and that they are just as smart and good and kind as anyone else, or more so?
  25. Who do you think was right: Trayvon Martin or George Zimmerman?
  26. Who do you think was right: Michael Brown or the cops of Ferguson, MO?
  27. Do you think nationalized healthcare is good for America?
  28. Are you in favor of affirmative action?
  29. Are you in favor of gay marriage?
  30. Do you believe gays and transgender people are just born that way?
  31. Do you believe gays and transgender people are normal?
  32. Do you want to get married and have children?
  33. Did you major in a humanity? If so, did the title end in “studies” or “theory”?
  34. Do you have a graduate degree?
  35. Are you overweight according to the BMI scale?
  36. Have you ever kissed, fondled, or had sex with another woman?
  37. Have you ever been involved in a sexual encounter involving more than two people? Kissing, making out, and light petting count here.
  38. Do your friends consider you sexually adventurous?
  39. Have you ever taken a naked selfie, or one where you are dressed provocatively? Have you ever sent it to a straight male or posted it where a straight male could see it?
  40. Are you on Twitter?
  41. Do you think a man should be king of his castle?
  42. Do you think a woman should obey her man?
  43. How often do you get drunk? (note: “tipsy”=drunk for the purposes of this quiz).
  44. How often do you use recreational drugs/illegal substances? When was the last time?
  45. How often do you date or have sex outside your race? Races for this quiz: White, East Asian, South Asian, Arab/Persian, Native American/Red. If you are considered “mestizo”, you may claim both races. Jews can group themselves by skin color here.
  46. How often do you date or have sex outside your ethnicity? Your ethnicity is the country of origin of your parents’ ancestors. Don’t be obtuse; if you’re a mutt but mostly Northern European, use most of those countries, but if you’re 100% Irish or Chinese, use that one nationality alone. Jews count as a separate ethnicity here.
  47. Do you go to the same house of worship for services at least 2x a month?
  48. Does that house of worship have only male clergy? What percentage of the administrators are female?
  49. Do you believe in your religion’s teachings? Do you believe in God (or gods)?
  50. Does your religion/church support homosexuality, abortion, affirmative action, government-provided healthcare, or any other planks of the Democratic party?
  51. Do you have a gay bff? Is he promiscuous?
  52. Do you believe a woman should have a career when she is 22?
  53. What is the proper age for a woman to start having children?
  54. At what age do you want to have children?
  55. Would you or have you ever gone backstage or on the tour bus or into a VIP lounge with a male celebrity?
  56. Same question as #55, but with the condition that you have been on or have gone on at least one date with a guy that went well and you two are texting?
  57. For older girls: were you Team Aniston or Team Jolie?
  58. Have you ever cheated on a man you were dating? Kissing, making out, holding hands, touching each other’s bodies, foreplay, sex are all cheating.
  59. Have you ever competed with a man for a job or promotion?
  60. Is it ok for a woman to cheat if she’s lonely, depressed, or she’s fallen out of love with her man?
  61. Did you ever beat a man in competing for a job or promotion?
  62. Did you ever want to beat a man in competing for a job or promotion?
  63. Can you cook a complete meal? Do you do so at least 3 times per week?
  64. Can you clean? Is your home/apartment/room clean?
  65. When not dressed for work, do you dress feminine?
  66. When not dressed for work, do you wear dresses? How often?
  67. Do you watch reality TV? Talk shows? TV dramas? TV scripted comedies? Which ones? How many hours per day?
  68. Do you watch pornography?
  69. Do you have tattoos? How many? How large? Are they visible when wearing any of your own skimpy summer outfits?
  70. Do you believe organizations and companies should be allowed to be all male and exclude blacks?
  71. Have you ever flashed anyone?
  72. Do you swear? How often?
  73. Do you ever say or think that you get along better with men rather than women?
  74. Is there a box of condoms in your room?
  75. Do you believe a woman should look pretty for her man?
  76. If you are overweight, are you ruthlessly trying to get underweight?
  77. Have you ever participated in or cheered on a Slut Walk?
  78. Do you believe women have a responsibility to dress appropriately?
  79. Do you believe single mothers are good mothers?
  80. Do you believe in divorce?
  81. Have you ever been divorced?
  82. Do you agree to raise any children in the religion, town, and way your husband decides?
  83. Do you believe sex is about intimacy, or is more physical?
  84. Do you believe a woman in a serious relationship/marriage has a duty to sexually please her man even if she isn’t in the mood?
  85. If you get into an argument with a man, would you ever throw a drink at him or hit him in anger? Note that “playful hitting”=hitting. If so, and he punched you or slapped you hard, would you consider that fair?
  86. Do you know that regret is not rape?
  87. Do you watch “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” “The Daily Show”, “The Colbert Report,” any kind of talk show, “The Today Show”, anything on MSNBC, or anything on Bravo or E!?
  88. Do you listen to top 40 radio? What about NPR?
  89. Have you ever embarrassed a man who was trying to flirt with you? Ask you out on a date? Get your phone number?
  90. Have you ever liked a man, only to have your gfs/gay bffs dissuade you from dating him?

Quiz Answers

As you can see ladies, the questions really answer themselves, don’t they? That is to say that, immediately upon reading each question, you knew–almost instinctively–what answers would be correct and render you still date-worthy, and what answers would be wrong and render you not worth it for a man to take out on a date. You knew it in your gut, though you hated the fact that you knew it, and that you knew it so well.

And, for some of you, what hurts even more is that even for so-called left-wing men, the “correct” answers and the “wrong” answers remain the same. That is to say that, even though certain men that you would date would express the views that my questions are stupid/don’t matter, you know instinctively that such men still would greatly prefer the “correct” answers.

Some of the questions are super-damning for wrong answers, while others aren’t so much deal breakers.  I mixed and matched according to my whims and what struck me at the moment. Like a good psych quiz, I asked the same questions different ways, and followed easy questions with hard ones, just to keep you off balance. I’m awesome like that.


But I don’t need to really tell you if a certain wrong answer is super-damning or merely hurtful to your date-worthy chances; if you aren’t sure, ask a few gfs, or even your token gay bff. The more offended they are by a certain question, the more you can be certain that that question is a super-damning, automatic-disqualifier if you give the wrong answer.

By the way, this list is by no means exhaustive; I barely grazed the anti-male area of family law, for example. But it is comprehensive enough to give 90% of women out there a very, very good idea of what men want out of women, and, equally as important, what they, in the strongest terms, do not want.

What Date-Worthy Really Means

What Date-Worthy really means, ladies, is whether you are worthy of a long-term, locked-down relationship/marriage. You know that and we know that; that’s why, when you really like a fuck buddy, you’ll start whining or setting up circumstances—such as meeting for drinks around dinner time before you’re going to fuck—that will encourage him to lay down some change, hold a door, and otherwise be a boyfriend-on-a-date.

You know that if a man invests his money, time, and charm in public on you, it starts to lock him down into relationship status. Men who put time, money, and effort into courtship behavior are setting themselves up for relationships, whether they know it or not. It is instinctual and natural; when we invest effort into something, we expect it to mean something.

Once upon a time, most middle class women in America gave the “correct” answers to all the questions on this quiz. This is why men then took women on formalized dates; such women, because they gave the correct answers, were deemed date-worthy, and dates were designed to further test the waters for lifelong commitment, i.e. marriage. Other women—the sluts of their times—were not taken on dates; they ended up as bar floozies, prostitutes, yoked to underclass or unrespected men, or else lonely and alone in their lives. Johnny the Good Boy didn’t marry Suzy the Floozy, he married Mary the Good Girl.

And here’s a very important part you ladies need to hear: Johnny married Mary because it was a good deal for Johnny. Johnny got a loving, virginal wife who never compared his faults or shortcomings to past lovers; obeyed his word; respected him; cooked and cleaned for him; stayed feminine for him; gave him regular, faithful sex; and all-in-all remained a loyal wife.

These are what the “correct” answers mean to men: she is worthy of a man’s time and investment because she will reward the man with what he wants. And this is why your “wrong” answers today hurt you so much inside: you instinctively know that your actions have devalued you so that investing time, money, and effort on you isn’t worth it to a man today, unlike, say, your grandmother. Ladies, you are much less worthy of love—less “date-worthy”—than your own grandmother. Unlike your grandmother, you ladies aren’t a good deal for a man today.

Another way to put this for women is to stop thinking “what do I want out of a man” and start thinking “what does a man want in a woman.” Men—especially men in the PUA community—spend an inordinate amount of time wondering what he has to offer to a woman to get what he wants. Women would do well to wonder what they have to offer to a man to get what women want—dates, intimacy, long-term commitment, etc. And it ain’t just sex, ladies; no man every went to war, worked for 40 years at a worthless job, or built a mansion for a prostitute or the easy chick down the block.


What Happens When You’re Not Date-Worthy

You’re fucked.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

There are some things you can do to mitigate the damage your “wrong” answers indicate. However, that is left to another post and time. I will say this much: many times the Rubicon cannot be uncrossed; the bell unrung; the die uncast. But despite this, you can at least mitigate such damage—and not in the ways you’re probably thinking.

Fucking a Young, Hot Chick Will Make Your Feel Fat, Awesome

June 1, 2014

I just spent the weekend fucking a girl in her early 20’s. That’s more than a full decade younger than me, natch.  We checked into a hotel room to do it. She’s a definite hottie: long, smooth legs, cute face, nice proportional breasts, amazingly tight ass (I’m not an assman myself but this thing rocked), pure yoga-trained lithe, tight body. An 8, the best I’ve been with in awhile. We’d fooled around before this weekend, but never a full-on bedroom fucking. So this was a first-time-fucking-like-animals event.  Here’s what I noticed:


Because it’s not your place and you don’t give a shit about anything in the room or outside it. Now I know how 70s and 80s rock stars could go around destroying their hotel rooms—because debauchery + someone else’s property=burning down the house. We wrecked and fucked on nearly everything in the room and did not care about cleaning it at all. It’s the main reason I like hotel room fucks and do them when I can—wild abandon from everyone involved.


We’d planned on doing this for a week, and she’d given me the solid ok multiple times.  Yet the day came, and suddenly I’m getting wet blanket text messages about how she’s “not sure about this” and how this feels “really slutty.”

Bear in mind that this girl is, objectively speaking, a complete whore. She’s admitted to me that she was once in an orgy, and I have it on good authority that what she termed an orgy may just have been a gangbang of her. She talks about hooking up with 3 dudes in one day. She’s admitted to being fucked by nearly 60 dudes since her 16th birthday (when she lost her virginity)—and she insists that, during a 5 year relationship during that time, she was always faithful. so we’re talking 59 dudes in a 3-4 year period, total.

Big whore.

Yet even she has an Anti-Slut Defense (ASD).  I could have easily erupted in texts and yelled at her in anger for going back on her word—but that would have caused instant failure with a chick easier than a baseball game against a blind team.

So I recognized this as ASD, and simply countered.  I had her meet me at a bar near the hotel room, where we got drinks and I didn’t so much as mention the hotel room or what I’d spent on it.  Instead, I treated it like a first date-rooshv style—talked about travel, her goals, even did a little chick crack-routine.  I even was going to move us to a new venue when the second drink she had stiffened her and she looked at me and asked me to take her to the room. Even in the room, she slowed things down and wanted to “talk” first before we got down to business.  So I poured her a drink (or three), put on a movie,  and rooshv-flirted till I got her pants off.  She calmed down and and eventually shut up enough to put my dick in her mouth and start sucking without being asked.

ASD shutdown. Which reminds me….


If you’re going to a hotel room to fuck, make sure you have a few supplies: liquor for you and her (vodka and whiskey are usually fine), mixers (regular and diet soda work fine), fruit juice (either as a mixer or as a morning wake-up drink), aspirin/ibuprofen (for the hangover) and snacks (chips and salsa always a good bet).  This is key, because (1) the ASD will be weakened by the supplies; she thinks because you planned for her, you care; furthermore, the alcohol will lower her inhibitions; and (2) the snack food will keep her from whining about being hungry/using it as an excuse to leave.  Supplies in hand are much cheaper and less worrisome than having to run out and grab them while with her, giving her an excuse to weasel out.


I’m in good shape.  I work out 3 times a week, I eat paleo, I have low body fat, I lift, and girls unironically compliment me on my muscular physique . I am legitimately in better shape than 80-85% of the U.S. population.

But I’m past 30.  I have a white collar job, don’t body build for a living, and drink too much. I have no delusions about my body: I’m not Arnold Schwarzenegger, nor am I even me at 18, when I can say I was in this good of shape.  When you get older, the most important things about your body’s changes are (1) you simply don’t bounce back as quickly as you did; (2) your flexibility decreases; and (3) no matter how jacked you are, your muscles will be less firm than at 18 or 25. Face it man, you’re old.

So when we started fucking, I noticed that , despite my hard work at the gym, her natural, youthful taut body made mine seem flabbier.  She could bounce up on my cock and hop below me faster than I could jump on her; her explosive, short-twitch muscles just worked better at reacting. When I came, it took me a bit longer to recover than her. She could not only bend out of sorts, but even when it hurt her, she could come back to a normal position and be ok to fuck almost immediately, whereas I took a minute to have my muscles reset. We fucked in front of the bathroom mirror for a bit, and I couldn’t help but notice that her body looked so much tighter than mine in comparison.

In short, next to her nude body, I felt both fat and out-of-shape, even though I’m neither.

This was all post-coital noticing by me, mind you; at no time did she comment on this during sex, nor did I think about it until I was satiated.  I actually felt bad about the fact that her youth served her so much better.  18 – 25 year old me would outmatched this girl on recovery time and everything, but post-30’s me was a little sheepish to admit that age was besting him.

But then again, 18 -25 year old me (1) never had a girl this hot; (2) never fucked a girl this much (6 times the entire night); and (3) never had a girl be his personal succubus.   With age, comes experience, comes game. It’s a tradeoff; youth is wasted on the young.


It was awesome sex. Pure awesome 6 rounds of fucking, drinking whiskey off her pert breasts, rubbing baby oil on her, claw marks on our backs, roleplaying, cum swallowing by her without a second thought, and multiple blow jobs (including a goodbye blowjob in my car at the end). The smell of her skin alone got me hard; whereas, with an older/fatter chick, it takes a bit more. She was so giving to me–partially because of my improved game (thank you Heartiste!), partially because she’s a young 20’s slut. I could bend her and make her squeal without care or concern; with fatter, older chicks I have to pause to wonder if what I will do will really cause damage.

I tell you it was a fucking hot porno in there when we were going at it. Younger, hotter chicks are the fountain of fucking youth when it comes to fucking. Better sex than any old or fat broad.

I’m seeing her later this week. She’s writing me dirty text messages as I write this here—and complaining about how raw her pussy is. My cock is drained; I can’t even jerk off to porn tonight, because there is no cum left, and it’s too sore to jerk.

Total, pure win.


I feel fat and awesome. Goodnight.

A Tough Grrrl Feminist Rocker…Is Nothing but a Player’s Fuckdoll

December 29, 2011

A tough grrrl feminist rocker…is nothing but a player’s fuckdoll. She’s a slave to game and her ovaries, not feminist credo.

Joan Jett is a famous girl rock star. She achieved most of her fame during the 1980s, where she was the token girl “hair band” singer who allowed feminists to pretend that women can compete with men in music. She was also in a semi-known band from the 1970s called The Runaways, who mostly got fame as a novelty group (all young fuckable girls playing guitars) and feminazi over-promotion.

Anyway, Joan Jett has tough grrrl credentials that should make any women’s softball catcher swoon: hard left politics, wearing “leather” and non-girly outfits, vegetarianism, skankiness, and general outspokenness for “women.” For this forward-thinking, non-traditional, totally out-of-the-box musical genius gyno-american, we can definitely expect her to embrace soft, sensitive men, respectful white-knight feminist manginas, or even the occasional butch cis-trangender alternative gyno-american….

And then comes this song, one of her biggest hits, which she claims to have co-written: I Hate Myself For Loving You. And forever Joan Jett is shown to be what she is: a slave to evolution.

The lyrics to I Hate Myself for Loving You reveal that Joan Jett’s tough grrl, feminazi act is just that…an act.

Important Note Note: I’m ignoring for the moment that there’s a co-writer on this song, and that there’s a good probability (common in the music industry) that Jett’s name was probably slapped onto this song to give it “credibility” as “authentic” and not “studio-approved, producer-written rock” which is what Jett’s career has largely been. (This is a common practice in the music industry—an “artist” can receive writing credit on a song he didn’t write, if only to keep up illusions to the audience, but the royalties for the song will remain with the real writers.) However, even if Jett did not write the song, she still chose to sing it and embrace its lyrics and meanings at a time when she had control over her career—making the words as true for her mindset as if she’d written them herself.

If you’ve never heard the song, I urge you to watch the YouTube video of the original video. It’s a pretty rockin’ 1980’s song, fun to listen to, fun to sing along to, and probably pretty great for drunk girls to sing when they’re all riled up at a boyfriend on the fritz.

Anyway, now let’s get to the lyrics, which prove Jett to be, at heart, a weak-willed girl submissive to game:

Midnight gettin’ uptight Where are you
You said you’d meet me now it’s quarter to two
I know I’m hangin’ but I’m still wantin’ you

So this first verse establishes that Joan Jett…Joan fuckin’ Jett…is waiting up all night for a guy to show up. The song indicates it was at least two hours (midnight to 2am), but it’s pretty obvious whoever the guy is, he told her to meet him that night…probably a lot earlier, since she’s uptight by midnight waiting for him.And yet, despite the fact that this “tough grrl” is hanging out, she still wants the guy currently standing her up, not the fun times she’s supposedly having out at a bar/club/with her friends.

Hey Jack It’s a fact they’re talkin’ in town
I turn my back and you’re messin’ around
I’m not really jealous don’t like lookin’ like a clown

Now, not only do we learn that he’s standing her up after promising to hang with her, and after she’s still pining for him despite having “fun,” he’s openly cheating on her with other women in public. And yet she still wants him that evening! And the last line is a great feminist-hampster-spin-rationalization of her alpha lust, a face-saving maneuver only a woman could believe: oh, she’s not jealous (she’s having lots of fun waiting for him to come pump her after he’s done with the other whore!), she just doesn’t like the social approbation of being played on. Yeah right, she loves it!

Now, the CHORUS:
I think of you ev’ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away
I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that’s why
I hate myself for loving you

The emotional turmoil of a girl in love with an alpha-player who also claims feminism: she fell for his bad boy alphaness hard, and it kills her, because her feminist training and wee little brain are telling her this guy is not the soft, sensitive, her-respecting man she’s supposed to want…but despite what her brain is telling her, her slutty legs (opened up for him, thankfully, by feminist dogma) keep running her back to a man standing her up and openly cheating on her.


Daylight spent the night without you
But I’ve been dreamin’ ’bout the lovin’ you do
I won’t be as angry ’bout the hell you put me through

Now, not only has he stood her up for a few hours, but THE ENTIRE NIGHT. And probably with some random hookup slut. And yet, even in the cold light of morning, with the night’s power worn off, drunk horniness assuaged, and the prospects of a busy day, with her pride in tatters, she STILL pines for the man putting her through the ringer–she dreamed of only him all night.

The last line’s a bit murky. Either she’s saying a good fuck will make her forget her anger about the last 24 hours, or else she’s saying that the good dreams/passage of time overnight has lessened her anger. It doesn’t matter; in both cases, its proof that alphaness overrides any negative emotion directed at it by an entranced female. She is a hapless stooge to his testosterone.


Hey man betcha you can treat me right
You just don’t know what you was missin’ last night
I wanna see you beggin’, say forget it just for spite

Gentlemen, this is a shit test, writ large—it’s the last defense of the female ego, but it is never fully broken down. Women will ALWAYS shit test, and this proves it, if only for their pride. Being a “tough grrl” Jett needs to show something more than “I wish he wouldn’t treat me so bad.” She tries to project her tough facade, shit testing him with a lame dare/test, which tomboy women thinks makes them one of the boys. And the test? Demanding he treat her well.

Then she tries to entice him by implying that the sex with the other chick (s) wasn’t as good as hers would have been—either 1) claiming he’s never fucked her (laughable, this is skanky Joan Jett); or 2) she would do more than the other girls did (showing her weakness to do anything to retain her alpha male). Every woman, gentlemen, thinks her pussy is made of gold and shoots rainbows into your dick. But this is also a shit test…she’s testing whether promising more/better sex can stop the alpha from tom catting around. The immortal Roissy (now Heartsie) would merely grin and laugh at this.

Finally, she states that she wants to get the alpha begging for forgiveness/sex, and then she wants to say no just to hurt him. Men, this is EXACTLY WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT. Ever wonder why beta orbiters never get their One True Love Girl? It’s because it’s more fun for a girl to break your heart and give you blue balls when you’re on your knees than to have good sex. Women enjoy sex, but women enjoy power trips and trashing weak willed men rather than having sex with them; but what they enjoy most is having sex with alpha guys who don’t beg. The alpha in the song would never beg her for sex/forgiveness, because that’s not what she really wants nor what he wants. What she wants is what she’s got: an alpha who comes around to screw her on his terms, while she pines away for him.

Like I said, Jett’s a pussy girl who’s putty in the hands of a player.

To cap it all off, take a look at the video I linked to earlier. Joan Jett never sold herself as an unpretty girl. She’s an in-shape vixen, wearing tight leather pants that show off her ass, with big girly 1980s hair and makeup to make her more attractive. She was as much a tough girl as Megan Fox.

Gene Simmons Layeth the Smackethdown to the Dirty, Disgusting Hippies!

November 14, 2011

Gene Simmons layeth the smackethdown to the dirty, disgusting hippies!

Damn, I knew Gene was a smart man. But publicly putting these disgusting little parasitic, un-American whiny shits to death oratorically?

Wow. Almost as good as when Gene put that insufferable, moronic NPR bitch in her place on her very own show—and the lefties are still too dumb to understand his sarcastic, demeaning attack.

Gene’s always been one of the smartest men in pop music–and this shows it.

Fuck you, hippies. Rock on, Gene.

NCIS: A Tale of Two Alphas

October 6, 2011

NCIS: A Tale of Two Alphas

In the last year, I’ve begun watching the top show on television, NCIS. Like most TV shows nowadays, I only encounter it in reruns, either on USA marathons (a desperately undervalued channel), on DVD, or else on the web—Hulu, Netflix, or network television websites. Most TV, as the great [[LINK TO WHISKEY]] has pointed out, is a gay-female ghetto, with implausible and unmanly TV shows directed towards beta males (aka left-wing men), faggots, and broads who enjoy emasculated and emasculating men. But I caught it on a late-night marathon on USA one insomnia-fueled night and realized it wasn’t the usual faggot TV show.

Yes, for the most part, its just a lighter weight police procedural—chock full of witty (for TV at least) banter and massive plot holes, and the stories tend to get wrapped up in a rush to hide the weak logic, no CSI-sciency graphics, etc. It’s hook—and by “hook” I mean the twist that is designed to draw viewers initially into it—is that it’s about the police detective force for the U.S. Navy (hence the name NCIS—Naval Criminal Investigative Service), and not the run-of-the-mill city (especially NYC) cop show. Oh, and the title was a deliberately misleader—CSI was a big hit at the time NCIS came out, so NCIS was slapped on the title to get some confused viewers to tune in. In a non-CSI world, I can see this being called “Navy Cops,” “Naval Blue,” “Sea Blue,” or some other variation.

Ok, enough with the apologies.

NCIS is character driven—viewers tune in weekly not for the freak-of-the-week crime (though they can be lurid), but for the character interactions and quips. This didn’t surprise me when I learned that the show’s creator was Donald P. Bellasario, who created the great 80’s series Quantum Leap and Magnum, P.I. While I was not a watcher of Magnum as a child, I was a fan of the great sci-fi/time travel/history trip that was Quantum Leap, which, even as a child, was a show short on plot, and long on character interaction. The great dynamic between Sam and Al—the main characters from Quantum Leap—and Sam’s acting befuddled, intelligent, and angelic in his various time-leap situations were perhaps the only things holding the show together at most times—which says a lot about a show on network TV for five years and is a prominent hit in reruns and DVD. Bellasario is great at creating shows with very good actors and very good character dynamic, but tends to be poor to lousy on plot holes and logical leaps. And NCIS follows a similar pattern—good acting with great dynamics, but as for the plots…well, it’s not exactly the tales of Sherlock Holmes.

Now, a lot of shows on TV have shitty plot holes. However, they fill them up with typical shitty-fag fillers—sexy people getting it on in exotic scenery; “moral” stories where every white man is a racist and every woman/faggot/nigger is a wrongly-accused innocent; quick cuts and flashy fades; special guest stars; etc.

Not NCIS. NCIS instead plugs the holes with an alpha male leading a team like a hardass and an underling alpha hotstepping it with every hottie he sees.

The head of the investigative team is named Jethro Gibbs [[link]], and is played by [[Mark Harmon.]] Most modern male authority figures on TV seemingly have to be portrayed as nurturing, understanding, mothering types: Gil Grissom on CSI, Donald Cragen on Law and Order: SVU, etc. You know: they treat mistakes as “learning moments,” hug their guys and give them time off for “emotional issues,” compliments the fuck out of “his guys” for a job well done, and seem to be about three more sensitivity classes from being Oprah with a penis. They’re also very loquacious, p.c., and polite.

Not Gibbs. Gibbs: 1) rarely compliments; 2) if he does compliment, it’s a terse, two word praises; 3) physically smacks his guys around (including girls) if they fuck up; 4) isn’t afraid of sexist language to female subordinates; 5) doesn’t exlain things; 6) tells his guys to get over his emotions; and 7) emits little emotion besides anger. Gibbs, in short is a male leader—a true male leader of the old school—stoic, aggressive, and demanding, without a hint of apology. And his staff (even the girls) love him for it, as does the audience; respect with Gibbs is truly hard-earned and performance-based (one episode even had Gibbs berating a black NCIS subordinate throughout for sloppy, lazy work. That’s right: Gibbs called a black co-worker lazy and sloppy on national network TV. And the black guy was ultimately proven to have done a crap investigation and agreed with Gibbs’s assessment). Gibbs’d punch out a faggot like Gil Grissom in a second for his touchy-feely sensitive guy approach.

Mark Harmon, who plays Gibbs, is an old school guy himself. He transferred his way onto the UCLA football team in the early 1970s and won the starting quarterback position (when quarterbacks got hit like all football players were, and weren’t protected by weak-ass rules limiting contact with them to merely tag football). Afterwards, he drifted to acting (his mother was a semi-famous actress), and actually got named People’s Sexiest Man Alive in 1986 (when desirable men weren’t hairless bisexual faggot whiggers), but his career became spotty after that till NCIS hit it off in the early 2000s. Harmon’s stolid, solid, laconic leader on NCIS is a throwback, as is Harmon himself.

However, this is a tale of two alphas. And the other alpha on the show is Gibbs’s second-in-command: Tony Dinozzo, played by Michael Weatherly. Dinozzo, unlike Gibbs, is an uber-loquacious sexaholic. Although a good worker, he often unleashes sexist and put-down lines multiple times in scenes, openly leering at pretty girls in his wake. Of course, Dinozzo is very good-looking, so his cocky asshole routine is allowed by the ladies; his act reminds me of that SNL skit “How to avoid Sexual harassment”, step one being “be attractive.”

How can there be two alphas in a group, you ask? Simple, he answered: what kind of alpha-ness appeals to a given female. Gibbs is an old school guy; his character is a Marine veteran who enjoys building boats with his bare hands, riding on barren cargo jets, and being a loner. Dinozzo is a cocky asshole with a taste for fine suits, flashy cars, and witty repartee.

Michael Weatherly, who plays Dinozzo, seems like he has this attitude in real life. Talentless nigger-fucker Jessica Alba dated him for decent period when he was nothing and she had name recognition, which takes a lot of game on his part, since that cunt “hates white babies” and will go home with any brother who can dance decently at a club. That’s like getting Joy Behar to read a book with facts in it; just accomplishing the task has improved her as well. Well played, Weatherly.

What’s very interesting to me (aside from the dual alpha interplay) is how the show began. As I got into the show in reruns, I decided to go back and watch the earliest seasons to see how it all began. What I saw in the first season was this: early in the series, there was a main agent character named Kate Todd (played by Sasha Alexander). She was youngish (early 30s/late 20s) and hot, in that TV-career-girl way. She later gets written out (by mutual agreement) via an assassination and replaced by another cute-career girl agent.

Anyway, she and Dinozzo usually had a flirty, will-they-or-won’t-they relationship; constantly “annoying” each other, but with clear sexual attraction—Sam and Diane, etc. Gibbs, like any other male-TV boss of females, treated her as an underling and didn’t trifle with her. No chemistry beyond tough boss/good employee.

However, in the very earliest episodes—the first half of the first season—it isn’t Dinozzo, but Gibbs who has the sexual chemistry with Kate. In fact, Kate is shown to have something of an obvious crush on Gibbs. The first episode is about Gibbs hiring her after her resignation from the Secret Service (don’t ask), so she immediately owes him, but the first episode also has them flirting, and locked into close quarters with each other where they wrestle and expend a considerable amount of heat (body and otherwise) between each other. In another episode, when she gives a particularly sharp answer to a Gibbs question and he praises her, she sexually bites her bottom lip while gazing wet-eyed at him. In still another episode, she’s shown doodling a flattering sketch drawing of Gibbs, like a teenage girl in “love.” In still another episode, when on a submarine and thrown at each other due to a ship’s maneuver, they are seen holding each other tenderly and, when the maneuver is over, they exchange sexualized banter about their embrace. During all these episodes, Dinozzo’s sexual chemistry with Kate is nil.

So why the big shift later from Kate-and-Gibbs to Kate-and-Dinozzo? Demographics and feminism. Gibbs is a 50+ man and known to older audiences as the Sexiest Man Alive in freakin’ 1986. Dinozzo and Kate, meanwhile, are within 5 years of each other, agewise. I think its clear; about halfway through the first season, some TV exec went to Bellasario and staff and said something like this:

“Look, the show’s a hit, we want to keep it, but the feminists don’t like this hot chick going all gooey over a man in power more than 20 years her senior. Yeah, it’s a bullshit gripe, because ladies do like older men in power, but the feminazis’ll make some noise and we might lose some sponsors. Feminists like to make women date men their own age or lower so as to keep them in contempt of men and loving feminist dogma—to prevent them from going all gooey and weak-kneed like little girls and forgetting their indoctrination. And the older women viewers who aren’t feminists will be mad too, remembering all the sexy older men like Gibbs who’ve rejected them for hot young fertile tail. So put Gibbs with more “age-appropriate” pussy and make the sexual tension between Dinozzo and Kate, since they’re closer in age, and also because 30 year old spinsters (who listen to feminazis and won’t go after the older men they really want) want to see a hottie alpha like Dinozzo with someone his own age like Kate (and also like thr 30 year old spinsters) and not banging the 18 year olds you know he would rather have.”

And Bellasario and staff did. Or something like that. I’m sure it wasn’t that explicit. But moving on…

Now, which alpha do I think a man should emulate to get girls? The answer is the old law school device: it depends. Gibbs and Dinozzo are alphas with different styles wholly their own. Gibbs is old school tough; he doesn’t have huge muscles infused with steroids; he has a Marine Corps background, a love of working with his hands, and a laconic, abusive attitude. Think an old Western hero. Dinozzo, in contrast, is David D’Angelo cocky-funny, a whirlwind of silver tongued lines and sexist jokes. But he’s also good looking, well-dressed, and has social proof by being constantly with good-looking women and being second in command.

You can take either or neither as a hero to emulate. But be warned each comes with its own faults. Gibbs flirts well when aroused, but if you’re not the actual rough type (and not NWA-fake-ass-shit rough; I mean taciturn rough), girls will see through you and walk away. Also, your personality demands that you be in command of something or have obvious ambition and talents, even small, to garner respect; otherwise, you’re an angry dude at the bar who won’t talk to anyone. Dinozzo, meanwhile, gets through life on a shit-eating grin and his looks; like Hugh Grant, he in no way could away with the lines he says and his game if he looked and sounded like Joe Pesci (sorry Joe, much respect). Again, the aforementioned SNL sketch is informative: if you don’t look as good as Tom Brady, you can’t parade in front of a girl in your underwear at work making sexist jokes and get away with it.

Then again, even if you don’t fit their molds, you can still borrow their styles. Gibbs professes to love sawdust, hard liquor, and quiet nights; Dinozzo loves frats, parties, and the high life. If either of these suit you, you can express it in similar terms. If you love working with your hands, getting your fingers dirty, you can express this in fewer words than normal: “I like building things with my hands, feeling the raw materials becoming something real.” She’ll be intrigued if you’re her type and ask you what you make (be careful, however, if you’re a taxidermist). If you like the frat scene, ask her to play beer pong and then throw in a line about beer pong being the best way to get a girl’s shirt off while having a cocky grin on; if you’re on the right wavelength, she’ll definitely smile back.
Good game is about being true to your own personality, but highlighting the best parts.

Moving on…

Now, how does the television industry reward a show that brings masculinity to the table along with viewers? Trick question: it doesn’t. Thanks to the show’s unabashed masculinity and pro-military (usually) theme, the show consistently gets shut out of awards shows. Yes, the premium cable channel shows get love for more in-depth writing and more extensive budgets (Mad Men, Curb your Enthusiasm, etc.) but this is also a TV-awards world where crap like Desperate Housewives, Modern Family, Thirty Rock and, god help us all, Jay fucking Leno and Jimmy fucking Fallon all get awards for being there; NCIS should be making a ton of Emmy gold. But, you see, we can’t have an action show that celebrates men, masculinity, the military, and the US of A getting awards. We need more p.c., pussy, anti-male bullshit taking us home. That’s the ticket. Which is why, year after year, NCIS goes home emptyhanded
Bottom line: Watch NCIS for something worthwhile and manly. And some good lessons on good game.